Creating Oneness: How Psychedelics and Tantra Are Reshaping Couples Therapy

How is Relationship Counselling Changing?

When you hear relationship counselling or couples therapy, I’m sure you're picturing sitting upright on a couch, big enough to fit you and your partner, and of course the couples therapist across from them writing down notes. Sessions probably follow a format where the two parties take turns discussing their thoughts, feelings, and problems. A good couple’s therapist would intervene with advice and suggestions. However, anyone who’s been in a relationship will know that it isn’t always easy to open up and communicate with another human being, let alone your beloved.

Traditional couples therapy has long focused on improving communication, resolving conflicts, and rebuilding trust. While these approaches are still common and much needed, the realm of couples work is evolving to include modern approaches such as psychedelic-assisted therapy and ancient strategies such as Tantra. These two approaches are twofold: entheogenic medicines allow folks to tolerate their uncomfortable feelings long enough to fully flush out their issues without being triggered, and Tantric strategies bring a holistic quantum-spiritual element to seeing relationship issues.

This evolution is driven by a growing recognition that many couples need more than just better communication skills to thrive. They're seeking deeper emotional and spiritual connections, as well as additional tools to navigate ineffective patterns of interaction that affect every relationship. As a result, therapists are increasingly incorporating holistic and integrative approaches that go beyond the implementation of tools, which require skillfulness and discipline from the couple.

At An Elegant Mind, we specifically include psychedelic therapy as well as a tantric approach to relationship counselling. By introducing new approaches that focus on resolving trauma, deepening trust, love, and connection, and the acknowledgement of the spiritual and quantum realm of existence, we are setting up a new landscape for holistic couples therapy.

What Role Do Psychedelics Play in Couples Therapy?

Psychedelic-Assisted Couples Therapy involves the use of substances such as empathogens, magic mushrooms, and ketamine to facilitate emotional openness, spiritual connection, introspection, and often all of the above. When applied to couples therapy, these substances can help partners explore their relationship dynamics from new perspectives, often leading to breakthroughs in understanding and intimacy.

The use of psychedelics in therapy is not new; history saw its first renaissance in the West during the '60s when Richard Alpert and Tim Leary spearheaded the first academic research studies on magic mushrooms at Harvard. Popularity in the media waned due to Alpert’s controversies at the university, but a second wave of particular trip-reporters such as journalist Michael Pollan (‘How to Change Your Mind’, 2018) has reignited public interest in their potential for treating various mental health conditions, including relationship issues. Continued rigorous investigation could mean a total reorganization of how we understand the field of psychology, how the mind works, and what consciousness is.

Empathogens: Transforming Emotional Intimacy and Safety in Couples Therapy

Empathogens, or 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine, was first synthesized in 1912 by the German pharmaceutical company Merck, but its psychoactive effects were not discovered until the 1970s. During this time, American psychotherapist Leo Zeff began using empathogens in therapeutic settings, recognizing their potential to enhance empathy, communication, and emotional connection. Rick Doblin, a Doctorate in Public Policy, became a pivotal figure in the history of empathogen therapy when he founded the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) in 1986, with the mission to promote the scientific research and therapeutic use of empathogens. Doblin's work has been instrumental in advancing clinical trials and gaining Food and Drug Administration approval for empathogen-assisted psychotherapy.

The literature on empathogen therapy for couples is growing, with several studies highlighting its potential benefits in enhancing relational dynamics. A study by Wagner et al. (2021) found that couples who participated in empathogen-assisted therapy sessions reported significant improvements in their ability to empathize with each other, process traumatic experiences, and engage in open, honest conversations. These findings are supported by anecdotal reports and clinical observations, which suggest that empathogens allow couples to address deep-seated issues without getting triggered or overwhelmed. The promising results from these studies have led to ongoing clinical trials, further exploring the efficacy and safety of empathogens as a therapeutic tool for couples, particularly those dealing with trauma, PTSD, and severe relational conflicts.

Albert Garcia-Romeu, who studies psychedelics at Johns Hopkins Medicine, in the TIME article, “Psychedelics Could Revolutionize Couples Therapy”, breaks down the biological mechanisms in empathogens that explain why the medicine is a profound balm for rattled hearts. He states that empathogens turn up the volume on the brain's "feel-good" chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine) while turning down the parts that make us feel stressed or threatened (amygdala). Therefore, creating a calmer, more positive headspace while, at the same time, the brain is triggered to release hormones that make us feel closer to others, such as oxytocin (the "love hormone”). While all that feel-good soup is stirring, enhanced prefrontal cortex functioning enhances complex thinking, allowing us to hold several concepts in mind at once and problem-solve. This is why empathogens have a profound capacity to help people calmly and lovingly resolve complex relational problems. Garcia-Romeu puts it simply: "Empathogens help people open up emotionally and feel more understanding towards others. It also makes it easier to deal with tough emotions or situations that might normally be upsetting." In other words, empathogens have the potential to transform couples therapy by creating a unique environment of trust, openness, and emotional safety.

As empathogens have a powerful capacity to break down barriers towards intimacy and attachment, it supplements what humans naturally do: pair bond. It can be a miracle drug for those who desperately want to be together but are too triggered to get close, and on the flip side, empathogens can prematurely bond people who may not be a good fit for each other because their values, personalities, and lifestyle choices are too different. Brian Earp and Julian Savulescu discuss the ethics of being able to chemically alter pair bonding in the book “Love Drugs: The Chemical Future of Relationships” (2020). Due to this complexity, this is where trained psychotherapists need to step in to help couples with discernment: is bringing down the walls to intimacy the answer to my problems in life, or have I just chemically induced falling in love with a stranger because I’m afraid of being alone? Like all medicine, empathogens require healthcare provider supervision or consultation.

Entheogenic Psychedelics in Couples Therapy: Self-Dialogue for Improved Bonding

Magic Mushrooms

While empathogens can assist in facilitating open communication, entheogenic psychedelics like magic mushrooms are also being explored for their potential in relationship therapy via a different psychotherapeutic mechanism. Talea Cornelius, a social psychologist at Columbia University, is studying how these entheogenic psychedelics might open people's minds to new perspectives on the relationship problem and a sense of shared reality, even if they don't directly focus on communication during sessions. Additionally, Sarah Tilley, a psychedelic therapist in the Netherlands, offers magic mushroom-assisted couples counselling, as she believes that magic mushrooms can deepen and improve the counselling experience.

One particular article, however, has insights from the couple’s perspective on psychedelics’ promising potential instead of the therapist's perspective. The Vice article “ Using Magic Mushrooms as Relationship Therapy” found a couple, Fern and Connor, who have made monthly mushroom trips a key part of their relationship. "We'd probably [fine] without them," Fern admits, "but this fast-tracks everything. It's like cramming 10 years of couples therapy into one night." For them, these sessions have become crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship, offering insights and closeness that might otherwise take years to develop. This is revolutionary, as it suggests that dyadic healing need not require dialogue, as long believed by psychotherapists. Improved bonding between two people can be found via solo inner work of deep reflection.

Ketamine-Assisted Couple’s Therapy: The Inner Voyage for Learning New Ways of Relating

Ketamine is a medicine, like other entheogenic or “God-inspiring” psychedelics, that produces an altered state of consciousness and, at higher doses, requires us to psychologically surrender to the experience. Some users have reported mystical, God-like experiences with Ketamine, stating that they felt one with the universe or that they were travelling through endless time. However, unlike other psychedelics, Ketamine acts on the glutamate receptors, which release glutamate into the synaptic channel in abundant quantities, which is then converted into Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF). We can think of BDNF as a brain fertilizer, which encourages new neurons to be born, resulting in new neural pathways in the brain. Glutamate is the most abundant excitatory neurotransmitter in the brain. Unlike dopamine, which mediates neural plasticity for reward-based learning and memory, and serotonin, which is involved in plasticity related to mood, glutamate is involved in the plasticity of various cognitive functions such as learning and memory, problem-solving, motor control, focused attention, and accurate perception of the environment.

Ketamine, like other entheogenic psychedelics, also disrupts the activity and the connectivity of the brain structures that constitute the Default Mode Network (DMN). Many of you may have heard Michael Pollan talk about the DMN in his book ‘How to Change Your Mind’ and its significance in how psychedelics produce profound changes in our nature. When the DMN is disrupted, this results in ego dissolution, where the sense of self becomes less defined, and users experience a merging into the deep realms of inner space. It’s long been known that a temporary reduction in the DMN can treat conditions characterized by rigidity and maladaptive patterns of thought and behavior, such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD, and Ketamine is one of those medicines that fall into this category, like other classic psychedelics, although the neurogenesis manifests through different receptors.

Given that this is the way that Ketamine works to help us with our mental health issues, how does this benefit relationship problems? Familiar users will know that at higher doses, one can hardly move their lips or orient to their own voice speaking. Like magic mushrooms-assisted couples therapy, the mechanism of action that helps couples’ issues is not the dyadic processing that occurs during the medical experience, but the inner realizations and insights that help couples take ownership of their part of the problem. When we gain insight into our defensiveness, our triggers, and the part of our history that has shaped how we show up relationally, it can be more productive than having dialogue about issues.

When taking on psychedelics for couples’ work, what should partners be aware of? Both partners need to have realistic expectations about what these substances can and cannot do. In some cases, psychedelic experiences may even lead couples to realize they're not compatible, potentially speeding up the natural conclusion of a relationship. Much like standard couples psychotherapy, someone or something, whether plant or human, needs to step in and help folks stomach the sad reality that despite good intentions, they just aren’t going to be able to meet each other fully in life’s quest for relational compatibility.

Key benefits of psychedelic-assisted therapy for couples include:

• Enhanced capacity for emotional vulnerability
• Reduced defensiveness and more willingness to agree
• Increased empathy for a partner
• More authentic heart-centred communication
• The capacity to listen without getting triggered and reacting
• Access to deeper levels of self-awareness and insight
• Healing past relational traumas that affect the relationship
• Deep nervous system re-wiring for the secure and regulated state as baseline

A typical psychedelic-assisted therapy session for couples might involve:

1. Screening: Couples are screened to assess whether this treatment is suitable for their psychological architecture.
2. Preparation: Couples undergo thorough preparation, including setting intentions for the session.
3. The Experience: Under the guidance of trained therapists, the couple ingests the psychedelic substance in a calm, nurturing environment.
4. Integration: Following the experience, couples work with therapists to process insights and integrate them into their daily lives.
5. Follow-up: Ongoing therapy sessions help couples remember what they have experienced, apply their learnings, and continue to deepen their work.

In essence, psychedelic-assisted couples therapy offers a promising new approach to helping partners communicate more openly, process difficult emotions, and potentially strengthen their bonds. However, it's not a guaranteed fix and should be approached with careful consideration and realistic expectations. It's important to note that in Canada, empathogens and magic mushrooms are only available via government programs, and to gain approval, one must demonstrate the failure of a first-line treatment such as a traditional antidepressant.

Is Psychedelic-Assisted Couples Therapy Right for My Relationship?

While psychedelic-assisted therapy shows promise, it's not suitable for everyone. Couples considering this approach should carefully evaluate their readiness for intense emotional experiences and ensure they have access to skilled therapeutic support.

Factors to take into consideration when choosing psychedelic-assisted therapy:

1. Emotional stability: it needs to be assessed whether both partners have an emotionally stable environment and are prepared for a potentially challenging experience.
2. Psychological history: Certain psychological conditions, such as paranoid or delusional disorders, and certain mood medications may contraindicate the use of psychedelics.
3. Medical history: Couples with certain medical conditions may not be able to safely receive the medicine until the underlying medical condition is stabilized.
4. Intention and commitment: Both partners should be committed to the entire duration of the process and should endeavor to have intentions for a healing experience.

Couples interested in psychedelic-assisted therapy should consult with mental health professionals experienced in this modality to determine if it's appropriate for their situation. There are different medicines that may be appropriate for your clinical issue. It’s important to talk to a professional in psychology to survey the origins of your concern, whether it’s an issue of an unnecessary neural pathway that won’t prune or a psychodynamic issue that requires psycholytic processing and insight. The psychology professional also needs to assess whether there’s been relational trauma, or an issue of disconnect from a sense of spirituality.

How Can Tantra Improve Modern Relationships?

Rick Doblin once reported in an interview, “From our research mapping patients’ state in empathogens therapy, the closest analog we can find, with those high in serotonin, oxytocin, and prolactin levels, along with the feelings of safety, connection, and openness, is the postorgasmic state. The takeaway from this? If we had a quality of connection that allowed us to have sex regularly, we wouldn’t need a drug to help us feel profoundly loved, connected, close, and intimate with someone. And what’s the closest we can feel with someone? Oneness. Who were the masters of cultivating oneness? The tantric Hindus from India spoke of Shakti and Shiva's consciousness merging into a perfect fusion of the oneness state.

When we hear the word tantra, we may think of some intense new-age way of having sex, or confuse it with the Kamasutra. While often associated with sexuality, tantra also encompasses a much broader approach to life and relationships. Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice that originated in India and is being adapted for contemporary couples therapy by focusing on mindfulness, energy work, and the cultivation of deep connection.

In the context of modern relationships, tantra offers tools for:

1. Cultivating presence and awareness with your partner
2. Exploring sensuality that goes beyond traditional sexual norms of focusing on pleasurable outcomes instead of connection
3. Developing a deeper spiritual connection between partners, a sense of “oneness” and unity
4. Enhancing intimacy through breathwork and energy practices
5. Overcoming sexual difficulties and reigniting passion

In essence, the practice of tantra allows us to become present with life, living moment to moment, and opening up deeper channels for spiritual awareness and connection.

Tantric practices that couples might explore in therapy include:

1. Synchronized breathing exercises: These exercises involve partners coordinating their breath, which can create a sense of unity and attunement. By synchronizing your breathing, a couple may be able to reduce stress and increase present-moment awareness for one another.
2. Eye-gazing: Quite straightforward, eye-gazing involves partners maintaining prolonged eye contact, which can create a profound sense of connection and vulnerability, as it sets up the stage to be and feel seen. It often leads to increased empathy and a deeper understanding of the other.
3. Sensate focus techniques to enhance physical awareness and pleasure: These are structured touching exercises that require couples to keep a mindful awareness of their physical sensations. This focus can help couples overcome sexual difficulties, increase body acceptance, and enhance overall physical intimacy.
4. Rituals and ceremonies to celebrate the relationship: Creating and participating in relationship-specific rituals can help couples mark important milestones and reinforce their commitment. When life gets busy or if you’re in a long-term relationship, these practices can add a sense of sacredness and shared meaning to the relationship, reminding each other of their significance and love.
5. Energy work: This involves practices aimed at harmonizing the couple's energies, often through visualization of chakras and awareness of subtle body sensations. It can promote a sense of balance and alignment in the relationship.

By incorporating these practices, couples can develop a more holistic and spiritually aligned approach when nurturing their relationship.

Just as the wellness industry is constantly serving up new diets and fitness trends, relationship counselling is cooking up fresh approaches for couples to tackle age-old problems. Jamie Wheal describes in his method ‘The Sexual Yoga of Becoming’ that mixing mutual massage, breathwork, eye-gazing, and compounds might be the alchemical cookbook for profound change in relational well-being. Under medical and clinical supervision, the integration of psychedelics and tantra into couples therapy can represent an exciting superfood for relational health, allowing couples to have more options on their path toward a more loving and fulfilling partnership.

If there's one thing we know about relationships, it's that they're always evolving. And as couples therapy evolves with them, we might just be on the brink of a psychedelic love revolution. Whether you're struggling with communication or just looking to deepen your connection, take the first step toward healing by reaching out to our experts at An Elegant Mind Counselling. An Elegant Mind Counselling offers Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy in a serene environment for deep inner voyages. We’re more than happy to help you and your partner embrace this new path of psychedelics and Tantra for a more spiritually connected and divine union. Book a free consultation to ask any questions and begin your journey towards deeper connection and greater pleasure.