I’m sure many of us can remember an argument or two, where we’ve found ourselves putting on our boxing gloves, sharpening our knives, slowly layering bricks to build up a concrete wall, and eventually booking any ticket that would get us far away from the situation. This is because many of us have grown up unaware of how to handle conflict.
According to the Gottman Institute, the Four Horsemen are a metaphor for communication styles that can easily show up during conflict and potentially lead to the death of any relationship. Angela Leong and Ashley Morris often support couples and individuals in learning healthier ways to communicate, break unhelpful patterns, and strengthen connections.
1. Criticism: Judging your partner for their faults
2. Contempt: Disregarding your partner, making them feel worthless, neglected, or disrespected
3. Defensiveness: Protecting ourselves by creating excuses and quite possibly redirecting the blame onto the other partner
4. Stonewalling: Shutting down from feeling overwhelmed, and eventually withdrawing from their partner
Becoming aware of the ways in which these styles show up in our relationships is the first step in moving towards a more loving, healthy, and productive approach to conflict.
If you’re looking for guidance in understanding your conflict style, relationship counselling is a great place to start exploring the ways in which conflict shows up in all types of relationships. Our Couples Therapy service provides tailored support for partners who want to navigate conflict with compassion and skill.
For more on navigating relationships and trust, see our blog on Deciphering Boundaries: What Constitutes Cheating?
Ready to transform the way you and your partner communicate? Book a consultation with us today to begin your journey toward healthier, more connected relationships.
Blog post written by Yasmine Ross, Certified Relationship Coach and Content Writer at An Elegant Mind Counselling in Vancouver