Angela Leong
Written & Posted by Angela LeongRegistered Clinical Counsellor, Founder of AEM

Boundary Breakdown: Debunking Myths and Understanding Their True Purpose

06 Jan, 2019
Featured for Boundary Breakdown: Debunking Myths and Understanding Their True Purpose

Putting Down A Boundary Is Saying No To Something Because…

01. it takes up too much of your energy or time.

02. it is impinging on your personal or professional well-being.

03. it does not align with how you want to be treated.

04. it does not align with your values.

Myth #1: You Have To Take What How The Other Person Feels Into Consideration When Defining A Boundary.

We are not expected to change our boundaries when someone has an emotional response to our boundary. You may find yourself on shaky ground when someone reacts negatively to your ‘no’ or some boundary that you have defined…

That’s because some of us become programmed to feel guilty when we say ‘no’. So we end up saying ‘yes’ when we are really saying ‘no’ inside. The confidential nature of counselling makes it an ideal space where you can feel safe to express how you truly feel, while you experience the feeling in your body as you express your truth. It’s also a place where you can deeply explore why you are afraid to speak to the truth in some settings or with some people.

Myth #2: Boundaries Only Work When They Are The Exact Same Message Every Time.

Boundaries can be changed. They are not set in stone or fixed in time. You might decide to change your stance on something as time passes or circumstances change. Don’t feel ashamed about changing your mind about a boundary. You have a right to change your mind and if people question the integrity of your boundary, citing this as a reason, kindly remind them of your right.

Also, practice assertiveness. When you are trying to deliver an important message, start soft but if it is not acknowledged, gradually increase the intensity of your statement until it is. Don’t be afraid to use intensity when needed. In fact, Gabor Mate wrote, that at times, one might need to be aggressive when taking a stance of assertiveness. If you have issues with feeling heard in your life, practicing assertiveness with a counsellor may be what you need. Call 604-800-9285 or email to book your appointment today.

Learn more about Trauma Therapy at An Elegant Mind Counselling in Vancouver, BC.

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