Barry McCarthy and his wife Emily talk about their own complementary sexual styles in their book Contemporary Male Sexuality, which you can read about.
But the kind of complementary sexual styles I’m talking about is where your psychological strengths and weaknesses complement each other, which you experience as “chemistry”.
For instance, let’s say a woman has seen one too many examples of toxic behavior coming from men who boast their male prowess, use it to mock and jeer at women who become attracted to their maleness (misogyny), and said woman has become cold, distant, and unapproachable in her sexual and romantic quests. (At the extreme end, perhaps even repressive of her sexuality to the extent of vaginismus). Deep inside, she may have an attraction for others, but she keeps her cards close to her chest.
The complementary sexual style here is one who feels energized by the reserved other in question. Especially if the reserved other leaves a trail of cookie crumbs, just enough for the other to project a world of sexual and romantic bliss.
One’s weakness (fear of being mocked by men) is complemented by the other’s strength (enthusiastic pursuit of behaviors). It’s a lethally effective combination for pro-longed chemistry.
If the affection is genuinely returned, they can have lengthy, successful relationships, and if it’s not, and it’s mostly projection, then over time, it will surely fizzle out. Our therapists Angela Leong and Ashley Morris provide a supportive, non-judgmental space to explore intimacy, sexual styles, and relationship dynamics so you can better understand how your desires connect with your partner’s.
Although let’s not forget about the folks who border the edges of anti-social personality disorder in the name of pursuit that is in no way returned. But that’s rare.
Et vous? What about you? Can you name a self-reinforcing complementary sexual style? Basically, anything can be eroticized, so get creative here!
Discover how our Sex Therapy services can help you explore and harmonize your sexual style in a healthy, fulfilling way.
For a related read, check out our blog Eroticism as a Window to the Subconscious: Understanding Deep Desires, which dives deeper into uncovering the hidden patterns behind erotic expression.
Curious to explore your own sexual style and how it impacts your relationships? Book with us today or contact us to get started.