We often believe that someone who harshly criticizes him or herself as someone who has low self-esteem or as we colloquially say, someone who is ‘insecure’. However, what are the other behaviours that low-self esteem hides behind? Continue reading to recognize low self-esteem in yourself or others.
01. An inflated, grandiose sense of self (read: Donald Trump).
02. Reliance on the opinions of others to feel good about the self.
03. Frustration with failure or acquiring new skills.
04. A tendency to blame everything on oneself/always being wrong
05. An insistence on blaming others in every situation/always being right.
06. Abuse/mistreatment towards subordinates or vulnerable people.
07. Accepting abuse/mistreatment without complaint.
08. Being forceful with imposing one’s opinion.
09. Being afraid to say what one thinks.
10. Being easily swayed by the judgment or opinion of others.
11. Rigidly rejecting others’ feedback about one’s work or behaviours.
12. Neurotic sense of responsibility for others in relationships.
13. The inability to say no.
14. The need to achieve in order to feel good about oneself.
15. Intentionally and deliberately mistreating one’s body and spirit with drugs, alcohol, excessive work, lack of personal space and time.
Is there one or two points that stand out for you? If you’re feeling brave, you could write down the ones that you feel are relevant to you and entrust them to your counsellor as presenting concerns in your life. Remember that it takes courage and resilience to carefully and honestly examine yourself.
This list is also handy when someone in your life is being difficult. You could remind yourself that if this person had genuine, unconditional self-esteem, that they wouldn’t be this way.
This blog post was inspired by Gabor Mate’s Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder.