At An Elegant Mind Counselling Clinic, we often hear clients express frustration with recurring cycles in their lives. You might have noticed this in your friendships or romantic relationships: even when you meet someone who feels completely different at first, the same issues eventually show up. The excitement fades, familiar arguments resurface, the same frustrations build, and that nagging sense of dissatisfaction returns. You wonder, "Why does this keep happening? Why do these dynamics repeat, even when I know better and want something healthier?"
If this sounds familiar, you're not alone—and there's a reason these repeating relationship patterns feel so stuck. I'd love to explore with you why our brains hold onto these patterns and how psychodynamic therapy can help uncover them, loosen their grip, and open the door to new, more fulfilling ways of connecting.
What Exactly Is a Relationship Pattern?
You probably sense it intuitively, but pinpointing it can be tricky. Try asking yourself: What core emotion keeps showing up in my relationships? Constant anger? Deep loneliness? Intense highs followed by inevitable crashes? Once you name the feeling, notice how it shows up in your daily life. Does anger spill into road rage or snap reactions? Does loneliness make you pull away, creating more distance? Spotting these moments is the first step toward understanding the cycle.
It can feel overwhelming or confusing at first, and that's okay. Let's keep going—learning more may bring some clarity.
Why Do These Patterns Keep Repeating?
Our brains love efficiency. We brush our teeth the same way every day, drive familiar routes on autopilot—repetition saves energy. The same principle applies to relationships. From our earliest days (even in the first months of life, or some say in the womb), we form inner models of how relationships work: what others expect, how to stay safe and connected. To understand more about these early foundations, you might find our article on why early relationships matter helpful.
As infants, we adapt to get our needs met—maybe crying less if it overwhelms a caregiver, or becoming the "easy" child to keep love close. These early adaptations become blueprints. In adulthood, they can feel rigid: our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in relationships don't update easily. The past holds on tight, making change feel impossible or hopeless. It's not a personal failing—it's human, something most of us experience.
Why Mere Insight Isn't Always Enough
Many therapies target current thoughts and behaviors—great for managing anxiety or motivating through depression. But when it comes to deep repeating relationship patterns, these approaches often treat symptoms rather than root causes. The patterns form so early that conscious memories may not even be accessible through words alone.
That's where psychodynamic therapy stands out. It goes beyond surface fixes to gently explore the "something more"—becoming curious about your mind, tracing where these patterns began, and understanding why certain feelings (like anxiety around closeness) feel so automatic. Over time, together we link present struggles to early patterns, allowing you more to respond differently and create new relational experiences. For a deeper look at this process, read about what therapy looks like from a therapist's perspective.
How Psychodynamic Therapy Helps Break These Cycles
In our work together, we pay attention to both your daily life and what happens together in the consulting room. By becoming curious about your emotions—how they arise, where they come from—we build awareness of old patterns (maybe chosen for safety or fear of the unknown). We explore their origins, question long-held beliefs, and imagine other ways of relating to yourself and others. If you are wondering if this path is right for you, explore our guide on how to know if you need therapy.
At its heart, this process helps rewrite your life's story. You become the author of a new chapter, stepping into relationships with more freedom and authenticity. Real change happens through the consistency of sessions, sharing vulnerable parts of yourself, and allowing a safe connection with another person. It's the foundation for lasting psychological growth.
How to Start
If you’re tired of feeling stuck and unsatisfied in your relationships, it may be time to reach out.
I’m Curtis, a psychodynamic psychotherapist whose practice focuses on understanding our emotional and relational patterns. Together, we’ll shed light on the specific ways we ‘repeat,’ so you can feel more in control of your present and future.
I offer in-person psychodynamic psychotherapy in Vancouver, Yaletown, and online across BC.
You’re welcome to book a free 20-minute consultation so we can get to know each other and explore what working together might look like.
Booking Link:
https://anelegantmindcounselling.janeapp.com/#/staff_member/39/treatment/351
You don’t have to settle on feel stuck and dissatisfied in your relationships. By taking the first step, you can begin to navigate your relationships and emotions more easily. We’ll do this gradually and together.