At An Elegant Mind Counselling Clinic
You might look around at your life and know that, all things considered, things are going well. And yet, you may still feel unsatisfied, disconnected — in a word, empty. You might not understand why you feel this way, or what would actually help.
If you’re asking yourself, “Why do I feel empty?” this post is an attempt to put words to that experience, and to explain how psychotherapy can help.
A Question
Feeling empty can be difficult to describe.
Does it feel like depression? Maybe—but it might not involve much sadness.
Is it like a minor anxiety? Sometimes—but not always.
Does emptiness feel like nothing?
What, then, is emptiness?
Fullness
I believe we can talk about emptiness only because we’ve known what it’s like to feel full—fulfilled.
There may have been times in your life when things felt right. You might have felt socially connected, purposeful in your work, motivated to learn, and absorbed in your hobbies and interests.
These moments are often easy to recall. We may even feel nostalgic for them, wishing we could return to a time when life felt meaningful and alive. I believe it is these conscious and unconscious remembrances of past fulfillment that make the experience of emptiness so painful. We sense that something is missing, that we are no longer living in a way that once felt possible, and we may come to say that we feel empty. This feeling is not just a passing mood; it can be a profound signal from our psyche, echoing the importance of our early relationships and how they shape our capacity for connection.
Nothingness
Is feeling empty feeling nothing? Many people indeed say that they feel nothing. However, I don’t believe it is possible to feel nothing – what often permeates throughout a feeling of ‘nothing’ are elements of hopelessness, despair, and disinterest.
For example, not feeling interested is very different from feeling disinterested. Even when someone does not feel interested in a thing, they usually still feel something about it. For this reason, when someone says they feel nothing, it can be worthwhile to gently explore the subtle emotional tones present in that ‘nothing’—even if they feel faint or hard to name at first.
I’ll add something else here. In some Buddhist meditation traditions, a goal of practice is described as reaching ‘nothingness.’ While it’s debatable whether such a state truly exists, what people report is not a feeling of nothing, but actually a fullness of all experiences. Sensations, emotions, and perceptions are felt more vividly, not less.
Thus, one’s emotional experience is far from feeling nothing. Yet most interestingly, in the Buddhist meditation, what the person does not have is a clinging, or an identification, with certain experiences and not others. The person no longer seems to want certain feelings and disowns others. In this sense, Buddhist ‘nothingness’ is not emptiness at all, but openness. This distinction matters. If you're interested in how our minds process these deep emotional states, you might find our article on Bion's theory of thinking enlightening.
Emptiness as a Problem
When people seek help for feeling empty, it is because their emptiness feels bad. It holds them back. It interferes with relationships, motivation, and the ability to engage authentically with life. Sometimes emptiness exists alongside anxiety; other times it does not.
Here is my hypothesis: emptiness is not a lack of experience, but a blockage from experience.
As we discussed, Buddhist “nothingness” leads to a fuller engagement with the world. Emptiness, then, in the way people describe it, appears to concern emotional barriers that prevent someone from fully feeling and interacting with life. For reasons often outside of awareness, the mind becomes shut down, inflexible, and withdrawn, leaving behind the despair and hopelessness of feeling empty.
Psychotherapy and Addressing Emptiness
Psychotherapy—particularly psychodynamic psychotherapy—can help address feeling empty. Together, therapist and client can begin to feel into the unique quality of that person’s emptiness and explore what it may be telling us. This process treats psychoanalysis as a lived emotional experience, making space for genuine connection and understanding.
For example, if emptiness consistently emerges at a certain time of year, we might wonder why. Does it coincide with a loss? A transition? A realization that time is passing and something important feels unfulfilled? Often, a person’s experience of emptiness carries different meanings about their distinct desires and needs in the present.
It may be that emptiness develops after repeated failures to have our emotional needs met. Over time, the psyche may pull back into a state that feels lifeless and hopeless, feeling as though nothing can change. Yet with an attuned therapist, one’s unique emptiness can be explored and elaborated upon in its many dimensions. Through this process, people often begin to reconnect with feelings they had long assumed were gone, and thus can finally become useful in guiding their pursuit of meaning into the future.
This work takes time, but it is vital work. Living with pervasive emptiness can dull even the otherwise happiest moments. Therapy offers the possibility that life may begin to feel fuller again.
If you feel ready to start this journey, consider booking a consultation with Curtis to see how this work can support you.
How to Start
If any of this resonated, that’s reason enough to reach out.
I’m Curtis, a psychodynamic psychotherapist whose practice focuses on understanding emotional experience and using that understanding to guide purposeful action in your life. I work with people struggling with emptiness and other issues, gradually helping them reconnect with themselves and establish purpose once again.
I offer in-person psychodynamic psychotherapy in Vancouver, Yaletown, and online across BC.
You’re welcome to book a free 20-minute consultation so we can get to know each other and explore what working together might look like.
Booking Link: https://anelegantmindcounselling.janeapp.com/#/staff_member/39/treatment/351
You don’t have to let this feeling define your life. Taking the first step can open possibility for understanding, relief, and movement forward—together.